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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28835565">do you ever think about me? (all good, you're probably busy)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human'>i_was_human</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Lost in Translation (Webcomic)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Crying, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, No Beta, Reunions, Separations, Survival Show AU, This hurt me to write, how to make hce into pledis: the fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:34:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28835565</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, I think about you<br/>Even in the midst of good news<br/>Then I got to go home<br/>Pull out all the old bones<br/>From the closet and then I see you<br/>-Otherside, eaJ</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ahn Jaewon | Wyld &amp; Kang Dongho | D.Min &amp; Kim Daehyun &amp; Lee Minsoo, Kang Dongho | D.Min &amp; Lee Minsoo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>do you ever think about me? (all good, you're probably busy)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>0.</strong>
</p><p>Dongho's going to win. </p><p>They both know that much. </p><p>After all, it's basically a foregone conclusion. Dongho's going to get top eleven, Minsoo isn't, and he's not going to see Dongho for two years, but that'll be fine.</p><p>It'll be fine.</p><p>He's going to have to go home and tell Jaewon and Daehyun that it's just the three of them now, the three of them against HCE, just like it's always been, and Dongho's not going to be at his side, but it's-</p><p>it's fine.</p><p>It's fine, because Dongho will be getting MAYHEM's name out there, and that's all they can ask for. </p><p>Minsoo slips his hand into Dongho's for just a moment, listening as the judges call out the final rankings. Number fifteen, fourteen, thirteen-</p><p>He's going to be number twelve.</p><p>He just knows it.</p><p>What could be more poetic than two best friends separated by a single seat?</p><p>
  <em>"Number Twelve: Kang Dongho!"</em>
</p><p>All sound fades into a dull roar. </p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p>Dongho looks just as stunned as he does, lips slightly parted and eyes wide, but after a moment, he slips his hand out of Minsoo's, heading forwards to take his place.</p><p>
  <em>No, no, no-no-no-</em>
</p><p>This isn't right.</p><p>This isn't <em>right</em>.</p><p>Dongho's supposed to be- supposed to be number <em>one</em>, not-</p><p>
  <em>"Number Ten: Lee Minsoo!"</em>
</p><p>He stumbles forwards on numb legs, mind entirely blank.</p><p>This is-</p><p>this is <em>wrong</em>-</p><p><em>Blink</em>, and he's standing backstage with his- <em>not</em> his groupmates, the other winners, his groupmates are <em>MAYHEM</em> - and people are talking and rushing but his mind is still horribly, stubbornly blank.</p><p>Dongho should be here.</p><p>Why-</p><p>why is Dongho not here?</p><p>
  <strong>i.</strong>
</p><p>It's been thirty-six hours since Minsoo left.</p><p>Only seventeen thousand four hundred eighty four to go.</p><p>Dongho rakes a hand through his hair as he surveys the state of the room, and <em>fuck</em>, it just looks <em>gutted</em>. Like someone pulled out everything of Minsoo's and just left his things - which they <em>did</em> - but in a clinical way Minsoo would <em>never</em>.</p><p>Can't have one of the nation's golden boys associated with MAYHEM any longer, can they?</p><p>And <em>fuck</em>, Dongho's seen the episode. He's <em>seen </em>the way Minsoo looked, <em>seen </em>the way his gaze followed Dongho, seen <em>so, so much</em> that <em>aches</em>, and he just-</p><p>why?</p><p>"Hyung...?"</p><p>Oh.</p><p>"Jaewon-ah," Dongho greets, turning to stare at the younger man. "What's wrong?"</p><p>"...what are we going to do now?"</p><p>That's-</p><p>a good fucking question, actually.</p><p>They had plans for if Dongho was gone, but not Minsoo. <em>Never</em> Minsoo.</p><p>Perhaps that says something about who they should've really planned for.</p><p>"We'll figure it out," Dongho assures him, feeling, not for the first time, woefully inadequate. "I promise you, Jaewon-ah."</p><p>Jaewon looks at him with that <em>I-don't-believe-you-hyung</em> look, and Dongho cracks the faintest of smiles as he nudges the younger man out of the room, mind whirling a mile a minute.</p><p>What are they going to do now?</p><p>They joined this show in the first place to save their group, to try and drum up more popularity where their own was waning, but now that it's over-</p><p>what now?</p><p>
  <strong>59.</strong>
</p><p>Minsoo likes his new groupmates.</p><p>Really, he does. They're mostly younger than him, so that's nothing new, but they're all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and <em>fun</em>. </p><p>He likes the fame, too. Having everyone know his name, having people cheer for <em>him</em>, selling out stadiums on their tours-</p><p>it's <em>incredible</em>.</p><p>It's almost surreal, being here, being on these huge stages singing the best songs in the industry, and yet-</p><p>and yet.</p><p>It's not <em>right</em>.</p><p>It's not <em>right</em>, because Dongho and Jaewon and Daehyun aren't here.</p><p>He sees them on lives, sometimes. It's usually Jaewon and Daehyun, and from what little he's been able to pick up, Daehyun's started to take more dance classes in his spare time while Jaewon's... learning something?</p><p>He's excited about it, at least.</p><p>"What're you looking at?" someone asks, and Minsoo yanks out his earbuds, gaze flitting up to his taller groupmate.</p><p>"Ah, Minkyu-yah. How'd practice go?"</p><p>"<em>Tiring</em>," Minkyu grouses, flopping down on the chair next to him. "How do you <em>do it</em>?"</p><p>"Do what?"</p><p>"The <em>hyung thing</em>," the caramel-haired man groans, relaxing into the cushions as his eyes flutter shut. "There are <em>so many children</em>. How do you <em>handle them</em>?"</p><p>"There's only seven-"</p><p>"<em>So many</em>!"</p><p>"I had help for a while," Minsoo murmurs, and Minkyu's eyes flutter open, lips pursing into a frown. </p><p>"With your old group, yeah?"</p><p>"They're still my group," Minsoo snaps, and the words come out with perhaps a <em>bit too much </em>vitriol, since Minkyu raises his hands placatingly. </p><p>"I know, Minsoo-yah. I wasn't doubting that."</p><p>"Then <em>why did you say 'old group'?</em>"</p><p>"...you miss them a lot, don't you?"</p><p>All the fight drains out of him in an instant.</p><p>"Yeah," Minsoo murmurs, gaze drifting down to his phone lockscreen. It's a photo the four of them took on the first day of filming - Daehyun leaning over Jaewon's shoulder and Dongho resting his arm on Minsoo's head - and the sight sends a fresh pang of <em>longing</em> through him. </p><p>"Yeah, I really do."</p><p>
  <strong>cxlviii.</strong>
</p><p>They don't warn you that even your hardest won't be enough, Dongho thinks.</p><p>It's abundantly clear that they've been thrown into HCE's dungeon, and even more clear that the new girl group that debuted mere days ago is <em>the future</em>, whatever that means. They're the future, and MAYHEM is the past, and so they're not going to get promotions or work or <em>anything</em>-</p><p>and that's fine! Hey, that's fine, because it means they can work on what they really want to work on. </p><p>(for the first time, Dongho wonders if Minsoo's going to want to come back.)</p><p>Daehyun's taken up dancing, staying late to practice and coming home with bruises and hollow eyes, and Jaewon's taken up bass, his fingers rough and calloused and bleeding, and Dongho-</p><p>writes.</p><p>Dongho writes, and he pours his pain into words on the page, tries to find the melody of his heartbeat left missing its pair, and it <em>works</em>. It <em>works</em>, and the songs it creates are hauntingly beautiful, but if beauty is born from pain, then Dongho would take a million hideous mishmashes of beats and stilted notes instead of this horrible, gaping emptiness in his chest. </p><p>They don't warn you that nothing is permanent, Dongho thinks.</p><p>There's a reason it's a curse, a reason nothing ever lasts, because all the best machines break down, and Dongho's left to spin his gears uselessly, only able to watch his best friend on the screen and wonder <em>what he did so wrong</em>.</p><p>Would it be better or worse if Minsoo was here?</p><p><em>Better</em>, he decides, because while Minsoo's indispensable to the team, he's not. </p><p>(better, because he wouldn't have to see the direct results of the <em>missing</em>.)</p><p>He fingers the tips of his hair, gaze landing on the strands of black and blond, and he exhales, tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling.</p><p>The plaster's chipped.</p><p>Roots growing in, chipped plaster on the ceiling, a washed-up group with one of its members ripped away and leaving the others to fall, fall, fall-</p><p>
  <strong>301.</strong>
</p><p>Minsoo sees his groupmates once at an award show.</p><p>Just once.</p><p>He's MC'ing, newly-dyed teal hair hanging in his eyes, when his gaze lands on a trio near the edge of the stage, and his breath catches in his throat.</p><p><em>His boys</em>.</p><p>They're <em>his boys</em>, and Jaewon has gloves on and Daehyun looks tired and Dongho looks <em>so, so empty</em>, but they're his boys, and they're mere inches away-</p><p>He steps forwards before he can stop himself, and the other MCs laugh, one nudging him back in place.</p><p>"You wanna run already?" one quips, and Minsoo shakes his head, gaze pinned on his groupmates.</p><p>
  <em>Please, please look here, please see me, please, please, I miss you-</em>
</p><p>But the results come in, and MAYHEM doesn't win, and Dongho shepherds Jaewon and Daehyun back to their seats, and none of them look at Minsoo for a second.</p><p>(do they want him to come home?)</p><p>And that's his greatest fear, isn't it?</p><p>He's worried they'll think he left them for the bright stage lights, left them for a life of glitz and glamour and fame when he still wants nothing more, even after all this time, than to be at their sides-</p><p>Of course, they'll probably never believe that. </p><p>He knows his boys more than they think he does.</p><p>So he swallows the ache down, laughs and jokes with the other MCs, and hopes against hope that his boys are looking.</p><p>(<em>"do you see me, Dongho-hyung? are you proud? do you know i'm coming home?"</em>)</p><p>
  <strong>cdlxv.</strong>
</p><p>They learn.</p><p>They learn, and they grow, and they might not be MAYHEM anymore, but they're <em>something</em>.</p><p>They're <em>something</em>, and that's- that's better than nothing, and that's all they can ask for at this point.</p><p>(as he does every day, Dongho wonders if Minsoo will come home. will turn their <em>something </em>back into their <em>everything</em>.</p><p>mayhem isn't mayhem without Minsoo.)</p><p>And Minsoo- Minsoo <em>shines</em> up there, shines up on stage with his new groupmates while their budget gets slashed and slashed and slashed, and Dongho could never call it fair, asking Minsoo to come back to this, but <em>what else is there to give him</em>?</p><p>MAYHEM weren't enough to join him, after all.</p><p>MAYHEM weren't enough then, aren't enough now, and as time ticks ever-on, each hour one closer to the moment where everything will either come together or fall apart, Dongho has to wonder if he wants Minsoo to come back.</p><p>Not for MAYHEM's sake. Not for his sake, not for Daehyun and Jaewon's sakes, but for <em>Minsoo's</em>.</p><p>Is it even fair, asking him to come back to this?</p><p>Is it even fair, asking him to come back to a failing group under a company that forgot about them? Is it even fair, asking him to come back to a group that's known as a band more than an idol group when Minsoo thrives on dance, is it even fair to ask him to come back to a group that even the reveal of Jaewon's scandals couldn't save?</p><p>Their profits are in the red.</p><p>Always have been.</p><p>Dongho's used to working multiple jobs to make rent, these days.</p><p>
  <strong>591.</strong>
</p><p>Minsoo isn't hearing anything from HCE.</p><p>This, more than anything else, worries him.</p><p>MAYHEM haven't had a comeback in exactly two hundred ninety eight days (he's been counting) and there are still, apparently, no plans to give them one.</p><p>Why not?</p><p>He picks idly at the fabric of his jeans, peach hair eclipsing his eyes as his mind whirrs a mile a minute.</p><p>Why?</p><p>...he is going to have a group to come home to, right?</p><p>Because as much as- as much as he loves his new groupmates, MAYHEM are still his family. They're still <em>his group</em>, more than anything else, and <em>nothing</em> can usurp them.</p><p>Not even the ridiculous amount of money he's making. </p><p>(and holy shit, is it a lot of money.)</p><p>But MAYHEM seem to have disappeared off the map, and he's... scared, honestly. He's scared for them, scared for him, <em>scared scared scared </em>because what if they don't want him back?</p><p>What will he do then?</p><p>What can he do then?</p><p>Someone calls for him to head towards the stage, and he shakes his head, pushing a few strands out of his eyes.</p><p>He has to believe in Dongho.</p><p>Has to.</p><p>Even if he knows Dongho probably no longer believes in him.</p><p>
  <strong>dcc.</strong>
</p><p>It's been seven hundred days since Minsoo left. </p><p>Sixteen thousand eight hundred hours.</p><p>Dongho watches as the clock ticks over to midnight, and he screws his eyes shut, a fresh ache gripping his chest.</p><p>Sixteen thousand eight hundred hours without Minsoo.</p><p>Sixteen thousand eight hundred hours, and he can still hear the strumming of Daehyun's guitar, can hear Jaewon's haunting voice carrying a melody, can hear a backtrack to a song he never wrote, can almost barely hear Minsoo's lilting voice-</p><p>He can't remember the way Minsoo sounds when he said his name.</p><p>Not- not <em>on camera</em>. Not the joking "D.Min" he always puts on for the cameras, but the way he says <em>Dongho</em> - soft and gentle and trusting and <em>oh so loving</em>.</p><p>He's forgotten that.</p><p>Minsoo gave him his heart with each syllable, and Dongho lost it somewhere along the way.</p><p>It sticks in the hollow cavern in his chest - each lost memory driving another crack through his thin facade - and before he can register doing so, he's pitched forwards, hands coming up to grip his hair and a broken sob tearing its way from his throat.</p><p>Sixteen thousand eight hundred hours, and all of it is almost definitely going to mean nothing.</p><p>Because Minsoo- Minsoo's not coming back.</p><p>He doesn't want to acknowledge it, but it's the truth.</p><p>Minsoo isn't coming back.</p><p>Minsoo isn't coming back to their shitty dorm with a shitty water heater and the hole in the wall from where Daehyun tried to do a backflip, isn't coming back to their shitty practice room with emergency stashes in the boxes and stains in odd places on the floors.</p><p>Minsoo isn't coming back.</p><p>
  <strong>730.</strong>
</p><p>It looks just like he remembered.</p><p>Minsoo shifts from side to side, blowing a few locks of hair out of his face as he glares at the door.</p><p>It's so simple. Just knock.</p><p>And yet.</p><p>And yet, it's never been harder.</p><p>There's so much two years can change, so much that can grow and crumble, and Minsoo's a different person, and his boys are different people, but they must all have MAYHEM at their cores, still.</p><p>RIght?</p><p>Right.</p><p>Before he can stop himself, he knocks on the door - one-two-three - and steps back, stuffing his hands into his pockets.</p><p>Count twenty-eight, and Dongho pulls open the door, gaze landing on Minsoo for a moment before it seems to register.</p><p>"Hi," Minsoo manages to get out, and <em>oh</em>, Dongho's yanking him into a hug, one hand coming up to cup his head and the other gripping his waist, and Minsoo relaxes into the elder's touch, tears streaming down his cheeks as that feeling of <em>missing </em>subsides.</p><p>"Minsoo," Dongho breathes, his name a prayer on the elder's lips, and Minsoo chokes on a sob, hands coming up to grasp at the elder's hoodie.</p><p>"Dongho-hyung..."</p><p>He's not letting go this time.</p><p>Come what may, he's not letting Dongho walk away this time.</p><p>It's been seventeen thousand five hundred and twenty hours, and each one of them feels like nothing in this moment.</p><p>After all, they're both finally home, and that, if nothing else, will never change. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>fic title from otherside by eaj</p><p>leave a comment? :D</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/i_was_human_">twit</a> | <a href="https://discord.gg/CNunB74">lit fic discord!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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